Published:
05/12/2014 08:32am
Edy Nathan, MA, LCSW, Releases 5 Do’s and Don’ts for Reigniting the Mother-Daughter Relationship
Edy Nathan, MA, LCSW, today released her 5 Do’s and Don’ts for reigniting the mother-daughter relationship. With Mother’s Day 2014 just on the horizon, the esteemed therapist and grief expert has curated an actionable list of tips for mothers and daughters alike.
The mother-daughter relationship is multidimensional, and often fraught with expectation and desire. Living through times of grief and joy,
mothers and daughters are many times desperate to co-create a better relationship. The experience between mother and daughter is enlightening; it informs the comfort with intimacy, and how it is integrated into one’s life is reacted to while affecting the life choices that are made. This primary relationship impacts the degree to which they allow people to get close to them, how vulnerable they are, and the ways they relate to the world. With this in mind, Edy Nathan has formulated the following list.
5 Do’s for Reigniting the Mother-Daughter Relationship:
1. Do have empathy for who she is and how she got there. “It’s important to understand that your experiences of the world are framed by your parents,” says Nathan. “As a
mother, she may not see the impact she has had on you, and she may also be blind to the impact her mother had on her. Through empathy you have a chance to change the personal legacy of the mother role within your family. Through empathy, you each have a choice to change or further empower the relationship you have.”
2. Do agree to disagree. Perpetually being of the same mind is impossible. It is freeing to know that each person carries her own belief system, even if they are opposing.
3. Do stay in the here and now. Changing the past is impossible; being in the present is all there is. Time traveling to past hurts does not alleviate the hurt. Be proactive in creating the relationship desired.
4. Do know when to disengage. Balance individuality and closeness.
5. Do let her know the truth about you. The
mother might want to know more about the life of her child, or vice versa. The gift of letting each other in may begin a new relationship. If the truth is that trust is not going to happen, let them know. Better to be honest and protect the self from what is hurtful than attempt to change someone.
5 Don’ts for Reigniting the Mother-Daughter Relationship:
1. Don’t blame! Decide to step into the powerful self. When there is blame there is an impeachment of the self. When depreciating another there is a depreciation of the self.
2. Don’t engage in an argument that is not worth having. Consider: is this argument that important? Hold off on engagement to gather
focus and strategy.
3. Don’t confuse the fusing as a connection. “Just because you love her does not mean you need to have a Siamese connection,” says Nathan. “That is not love, that is blood sucking.”
4. Don’t allow for boundary breakage. With clearly defined boundaries there are inherently less struggles and power plays.
5. Don’t scrutinize, actualize. When in the throes of the mother-daughter relationship it is easy to see faults in the other rather than to hold onto the self.
Connection between mothers and daughters is complex. The wish to be seen by the daughter and the wish to be seen by the mother can cause grief reactions. Conversely, the joy of sharing the relationship that only a mother and daughter can have is filled with tenderness and elation.
About Edy Nathan
Edy Nathan is a licensed psychotherapist with over 20 years of experience specializing in the integration of psychotherapy and the world of spirituality. For two seasons she was the therapist on the A&E TV Show, “Psychic Kids.” She holds Masters Degrees from both New York University and Fordham University. She has had post-graduate training from the Ackerman Institute for Family Therapy, The Gestalt Center and the Jungian Institute. In addition, she is a certified EMDR practitioner, regression therapist, certified hypnotherapist, and grief expert.
To find out more, visit
http://www.EdyNathan.com.
