Published:

08/30/2011 02:40am

Is Infidelity forgivable?

I was 14 years old when I fell in love with the man I married 39 years ago. We were childhood sweethearts.
We had been married for 27 years when my husband told me he had started an affair with a woman 18 years younger, while on an overseas assignment in Venezuela and that he had fallen in love with her. Although I was devastated by the news, I told him he was free to go if he thought she could make him happy. When he told me he didn't want to leave me, because he still loved me, I decided to fight with every ounce of energy I had to save our marriage.
Matters got complicated when my husband found out after breaking up with her that his secretary was expecting their baby. I didn't think I could live with the shame this constant reminder of the affair would trigger each time I saw the child.
I released the situation to the Higher Power I call God. With prayers, meditation, healing sessions with gifted practitioners, spiritual readings and a belief that everything happens for a reason I was able to forgive completely and accept circumstances I couldn't change. I also believed that through every challenge, we are learning a lesson that helps us grow.
Today, eleven years later, his young daughter is like a granddaughter to me (we're in our early 60's) and we see her once a year in Florida, since she lives abroad in Venezuela.
Having the heart to forgive is the reason why my husband and I have a stronger, more loving relationship. Being best friends also helped. There were times when I could talk to my husband as a friend, but not as a husband. Our friendship allowed us to have very honest exchanges without fear, since friends are more forgiving than spouses.
A few years after his daughter was born, while living in Paris, I let myself be seduced by a man 18 years younger than me. I was 52, which is the same age my husband was when he had his affair. Maybe there was a bit of revenge that played a role in my decision to be unfaithful to my husband. There was also a comforting feeling that I was still a desirable woman. And I knew that my husband would forgive me.
Today, we are enjoying a love filled life together. We have learned to trust in one another again. We appreciate each other more for having almost destroyed our relationship. We have reassured each other that we are soul mates and that what we have between us is the kind of love that only happens once in a lifetime. We treasure what we have between us. Our hearts overflow with unconditional love and we have reclaimed our happiness after the betrayal we both experienced.