Pitchrate | So You’ve Read 50 Shades. But how much do you REALLY know about kink?

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Cassie Fuller

I’m Kinky Cassie, a kink and intimacy expert and educator who strengthens relationships through deeper intimacy and clearer communication. My mission is to help people gain confidence in the relationships they have with their partners and themselves so that they can feel more freedom to enjoy the...

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02/12/2015 07:14pm
So You’ve Read 50 Shades. But how much do you REALLY know about kink?

Whip out the handcuffs! The worldwide bestseller Fifty Shades of Grey has brought kink into the open, introducing millions to a new sexual playground. You may have explored your kinky 50 Shades fantasies, but how much do you REALLY know about kink? Here are 10 things about kink you won’t learn from 50 Shades:

Kinksters are healthy. Kink has nothing to do with a terrible past or bad wiring. In fact, kinksters are just as confident, extroverted and secure people that are often in positions of control during their everyday lives.
Dominants care. Dominants are extremely conscientious about their submissives’ well being, and don’t do anything that was not negotiated beforehand. The dominant is responsible for fulfilling the submissive’s needs (and gets pleasure from doing so), and is limited by what the submissive consents to.
Submissives are strong. Even though the submissive isn’t the dominant partner in kinky play, submissives have the strength to choose to relinquish control and entrust themselves entirely to their dominants. Often, submissives lead dominant roles in their work and enjoy letting go with their partner.
Consent is king. Consent is the most important part of healthy kink. Consensual practices help both partners feel safe and comfortable, and so they can let loose and have fun.
Let’s make a deal: Negotiation. Negotiation is an absolute MUST before engaging in any kink. The dominant and submissive need to agree upon boundaries, so that both partners know each others’ limits and have an enjoyable kinky experience.
Kink Responsibly: Safe words. Safe words go hand in hand with negotiated boundaries. Signals to encourage or stop play can prevent either partner from becoming uncomfortable, and will help make kink safe and enjoyable.
Post play attention. Aftercare is an essential follow-up after any type of kinky play. Since some types of play can be draining and intense, aftercare is an important part of kinking responsibly.
Trust me, kink is emotional. Just like romantic relationships, kink is all about trust. Submissives give up control because they trust the dominants to take care of them.
No pain, no problem. Though pain is popular in kinky play, it is by no means the focus. Anything that spices up your emotional or sexual relationship, so anything as simple as blindfolding can be considered kink.
Twine me up! You may think you’re ready to live your kinky fantasies, but education is paramount for fun, safe and consensual kinky sex. In the wake of 50 Shades, websites, educational groups and classes on kink have become increasingly important, and are great resources for those beginning their explorations.

Want more on the subject of your neverending sexual education? Then be sure to check out the Touch of Flavor’s online and live educational events. A good fit for those who’ve read 50 Shades, this conference provides classes and workshops that emphasize sexual experiences that are fun, safe and consensual. Visit the Touch of Flavor website for more info.


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