Pitchrate | How to Bully Proof Your Child With Autism

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Connie Hammer

For more than twenty years, Connie Hammer, MSW and PCI Certified Parent Coach has been energetically guiding frustrated, lost and confused parents to achieve their parenting hopes and dreams with her amazing skills. As parent educator, consultant and coach, Hammer is passionate about supporting pare...

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The Progressive Parent, LLC

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Expert

Published:

08/04/2012 12:10am
How to Bully Proof Your Child With Autism

Does your child have a bully problem? If not, consider yourself lucky that you don't have a bully to deal with right now but would you and your child be prepared if one should arrive on his or her doorstep tomorrow?

Bullying is difficult for anyone to deal with, regardless of age. All children are targets for bullying but a child on the autism spectrum is especially vulnerable. Due to the fact that the social part of their brain is wired differently, this type of behavior can be very complicated for a child with Autism to understand and deal with. Therefore, they desperately need our guidance in learning how to label bullying behavior and practice in ways to manage it.

Teaching a child with Autism to cope with bullying behavior is imperative in today's world. Bullies like to target peers that they consider to be weak or passive. Weakness may be determined by physical size but can also be interpreted as someone who is sensitive by nature, has a quiet personality, or seems needy or isolated. Bullies also enjoy taunting a peer who is easily provoked to tears or triggered into a meltdown.

A bully and his or her target are often lacking in social skills but in different ways. Bullies typically know the basics of social skills but for various reasons choose to ignore them and utilize power and force to develop relationships instead. On the other hand, a child with Autism will use appropriate social skills if taught - it's not that they are intentionally awkward in a social situation or don't want to make friends - they just don't know how in many cases.

How do you prepare your child for the negative social interactions she or he may have to deal with?

Studies show that helping your child develop a sense of self-confidence and a mindfulness of body language can help reduce their possibility of being targeted by a bully. You may be doing a lot already to prepare your child for a possible encounter with a bully without knowing it. I invite you to review the following strategies and see if there are any new ideas you can incorporate into your teaching role as parent.

- Help your child be social: Social skills training and teaching your child how to think socially is imperative. Whatever social skills your child is able to acquire will be helpful. At a minimum, knowing what a healthy friendly relationship is like will be a positive asset to many situations. If a child has an accurate sense of what constitutes a friendship he or she will be able to identify and see bullying for what it is right from the start. The sooner one spots a bully the easier it is to deal with.

- Teach assertiveness: Learning how to be appropriately assertive rather than aggressive or passive is one of the best gifts we can give our children. Bullies are counting on their targets to be passive and will not spend time grooming a child who is likely to speak up for her or himself. Teaching your child the word no and how to say it in various forms and ways is crucial. The non-verbal language for assertiveness is just as important and it involves standing straight, using a firm voice and looking someone in the eye - all of which send powerful messages to bullies.

It is a well-known fact that some children with Autism do not like to make eye contact. Try challenging them to determine the 'color' of a person's eyes when talking to them. This a simple distraction technique for an uncomfortable task that will make them appear confident and self-assured.

- Build confidence: Give specific praise each time your autistic child makes an effort to try a new task. "You climbed the ladder by looking at where to put your feet. That's the safest way to do it!" This gives your child a detailed picture of what she did which makes it easy to replicate for continued success. Hearing that she is climbing the ladder safely and correctly provides her with a feeling of accomplishment that can carry over into other areas.

- Encourage independence: Children who appear capable are less likely to be targeted by individuals who bully others. Bullies actively

Keywords

autism, bullies, social skills, assertiveness, bullying behavior, special needs, coping, children, bystander
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