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Carl David

I am first and foremost an art dealer (3rd generation in our 4th generation family owned and operated Fine Art Gallery; David David Gallery, Philadelphia). This is not just a profession but a life style as it is a full on passion. I am also a writer. My latest book, "Bader Field; How my Family ...

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David David Gallery

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07/19/2011 01:45pm
"Fathers & Sons"

Fatherhood is second only to Motherhood in its importance as a life role. It is the highest honor a man can have. It is a privilege, a gift, a challenge that comes with a forever responsibility.

When you sign on to become a father, it is a lifelong commitment, not just a day job or night job. There is no contract dispute, no changing the job description; it is simply your responsibility, period!

Remember, your child didn’t ask to be born, you chose to bring them into this world so you owe them the very best you can give. Aside from the basics of food, shelter and clothing; love, warmth, affection, joy, comfort & protection & security are most important and are absolute prerequisites & are non-negotiable. You have the infinite power of shaping a life and that is a huge job with basic ground rules but no definitive individual handbook as all children are different. Sure, there are proven methods and rules to follow and theories but they are not hard and fast. There are so many variables that come into play that to some degree you are in uncharted territory. You have basically opted in for the Life Coach occupation and have plunged head first into the sea of child rearing and life shaping. There is no turning back.

The upside is the fulfillment of this unique experience and the ultimate achievement of success in this indefinite pass fail system, for you grow with your child, learning along the way as you make choices & the mistakes from which you learn (no one is perfect).

Children need to be loved and know they are loved, unconditionally. And that they get from their parents, first & foremost. If they don’t, or if you falter along the path as they grow with time, then you have failed at the easiest pleasure in the world. Loving your children is a gift, it isn’t a chore. It should come as naturally as the sun rises every day.

How can you not indulge your children with forever love and affection? That is unconscionable; it is against every law of nature. Parents who hold back their love from their children, or use it as a vehicle to bribe them or worse, sabotage them should not be parents. They wind up causing serious emotional disturbance and sometimes irreparable harm to innocents who unwittingly absorb their parent’s negativity and selfishness.

I guess it really upsets me when I see or hear about fathers in particular who are angry, resentful or who take the job with too cavalier an attitude.

I was very blessed to have been born into a family where love and affection and warmth were ever present, no matter what else and it was unconditional love. That’s not to say that we could run roughshod and do whatever we wanted and that there were no consequences. True love teaches privileges but with commensurate responsibility.

I can speak only on Fatherhood, as I am a father. I had the greatest father in the world. “Sure”, you say, “but my father was the best Dad in the world.” Well, I sincerely hope you feel that way, for if you do, count yourself lucky. There are plenty of us out there who feel that way but we are far out-numbered by those who had a less than satisfactory childhood or worse yet, an abusive one. Some of you never knew your fathers; others wish you had never known them.

Realizing that I am in the minority, it is important to me that I share my happiness and pay forward the benefits that I enjoyed so that I might reach someone who knows only a negative aspect of fatherhood and let them see that there is a better way, and that they must not take out on their children what was done to them. This chain of destruction must be broken so that when it is their turn at the plate as a father, they will do good, not evil. Anger and resentment should be worked out in therapy and not taken out on one’s children, for that is criminal in every respect. Sorry, no excuses. That’s a personal foul; you’re out.

Never ever raise a hand to your children or threaten them, intimidate them or make them shiver in fear of you, for it is wrong in every way for every rea


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