"When raised in a loving family with mature parents, you grow in their warm caring ways. Parents model their own background. You see appropriate behavior for handling life’s situations. Without this, you may be negligent in the basic elements of living skills. This means that if you lack a loving background for growing up, you may be underdeveloped in your emotional maturity as well. Parents can only model their own emotional development and behaviors from their own family background. Most people fall somewhere in the middle of this spectrum."
From “Secrets of Life and Living: Let the Real You Out” forthcoming book by Marilyn Redmond.
Learning self-esteem is part of the process of maturing in life. Children model the people around them, especially their parents. When parents express caring, listening and joyful acceptance, the child has a fertile basis to build their self-worth.
In a family of no talk, no trust, and no feelings, emotional growth is not possible. If children cannot question their parents or authority, they do not grow in self-reliance. If the parents are insecure, fearful, angry, this transfers to the atmosphere of the home and stops emotional growth. Some parents feel threatened by their child searching for love and acceptance; the result may be discipline, closely controlled, and restrictions that compound the circumstances. This increases the lack of self-esteem over time, until the child is feeling, victimized, intimidated, and uncared for.
Those children, who stay in this oppressive home, go out into the world and continue in their depression and unhappiness until at some time they realize that they can change from their family attitudes. In some instances, a child will see how they are treated, and will make positive choices to take different actions that produce good feelings, and change their attitudes to more productive.
These children are fortunate to understand early that they have to be true to themselves. They have the power to create their own life experience by how they act and think. This is not an easy road, but it brings success.
The solution is to focus on the good instead of the bad; this takes practice and time. The road less taken is to change our mind-set to be positive no matter what is happening. Gradually, as the older child, young adult or even a grown up realizes that their perceptions makes the difference, life changes. The glass is half-full and not half empty.
Taking esteemable action produces self-esteem. No longer can a person blame someone else for his or her difficulties and terrible experiences. Taking responsibility, anyone can develop healthy actions resulting in good feelings of self-esteem. They have moved from effect to being at cause in their life.
The feelings of self-worth, confidence and self-respect do not come from others, but from inside. Finding that love within replaces the seemingly lack of parental love. Listening to his/her, heart creates the sense of self-esteem missing. It was there all along, they only had to discover it.
As an international consultant, speaker, writer, and counselor, I help people find that love inside. My web site: angelicasgifts.com offers more information in finding “The Real You”.