Published:
10/15/2011 07:06pm
Emotional Toughness Wards Off Bullies
This theory of emotions will help you develop the mental toughness and resilience necessary to become more objective and reclaim your power. Dr. Albert Ellis introduced a program called Rational Emotive Therapy and Dr. Maxie Maultsby referred to his similar model as Rational Behavior Therapy. They are cognitive therapies that challenge irrational beliefs to change how you think and feel. They will free you from emotional bondage and help you recover from any lost self-esteem due to bullying.
The model includes a process known as the ABC’s of Rational Living. The A stands for the “Activating event” such as someone being verbally abusive or harassing you. The B is your “Belief” about the event, and the C is the “emotional Consequence” that you experience as a result of your chosen perceptions and beliefs about that event.
For example, if a bully yelled out, “You’re a loser,” that Activating event could leave you feeling excluded, depressed, incompetent, angry and hurt if your Beliefs about that insult were not challenged. By putting a rational perspective on that ridiculous comment, you no longer feel the emotional pain of a comment that is a lie and totally outrageous. Without the cognitive confrontation, your first reaction is usually emotional and without reason or truth. Although you may not be able to control the environment and actions of others, you do choose how you might respond to outside events and thus the emotional Consequences that follow. The ABC’s of Rational Living could be your ticket to emotional emancipation.
Rewriting Your Script
Rewriting your script is another suggestion that may help you. When you repeatedly have been told that you are fat, ugly or a loser and you buy in, unintentionally you write self-sabotaging scripts in your subconscious mind that override your conscious desires and wants. You thus must rewrite your script and read it daily with conviction. You might also record it and listen to it as often as possible. Make it a written commitment. Share it with friends and ask them to help hold you accountable to your promise.
There are many energy healing methods that will also help in your recovery. One of the most well known ones is EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) which had helped Courtney Ragonesi whose story was previously presented. You may want to do some research on some of the methods referred to as Tapping. All of these body-mind and mind-body methods such as hypnosis will help release the negative emotions associated with being bullied. What you must not do is harbor the hurt or negative emotions in your heart. It keeps you captive and continues to give the bully power over you years after the harassment ends. Courtney’s anxiety attack caused from writing about her assaults twenty years ago is an indication that even after therapy, the pain of the past still has a tight grip. Although easier said than done, you must release it and let it go. Holding on is not an option.
Overcoming Our Circumstances and Rising Above
Melissa Curk is the president and founder of Kids Have Hope which is headquartered in Chicago, Illinois. She has successful rewritten her life’s script by first releases and letting go of the pain and anger. Melissa now teaches kids how to protect themselves against abusers both online and offline. Once a social worker in the Chicago school system, since 2009 Melissa has been teaching how to prevent, detect and report child abuse to teachers. Her curriculum Good Touch - Bad Touch gives guidance to parents on how to handle situations when their child reports abuse.
Melissa was motivated to make a difference because she had been bullied, neglected and sexually abused by her own family. She grew up in an socioeconomically deprived town on the gulf of Florida where schools had much to be desired. Even though Melissa is now only 34, she recalls the Ku Klux Klan intimidating the African American neighborhoods even into the early 1990’s. The KKK is certainly an example of social acceptance o
