Published:
10/15/2011 08:36pm
To Stop a Bully Chill Out and Stay Calm
It is essential for children to feel in control of their thoughts and feelings so that thinking is clear. If children tend to react rather than act in a positive way, they need to slow things down and slow themselves down, including their brainwave activity. When children slow down their breathing, they slow down their brainwave activity creating a relaxed body-mind state which triggers a more positive mind state. Hyperventilation creates a frenzied state and produces anxiety, fear and negative emotions that shift us into a survival mode.
It is important to recognize and accept angry feelings, but is not okay to hurt someone. Consider having a trigger for calmness. For example, you could carry a small object such as a smooth stone in your pocket and then program your mind to feel calm every time you rub your hands across the smooth stone. You can also give make an auditory self-suggestion that whenever you say the word “yes” or “calm” or any chosen word, you let go of all anger and feel centered and calm. You may prefer a kinesthetic trigger such as clenching your fist with the suggestion that as you unclench it you slowly feel yourself releasing the tension and anger. It is simply the power of suggestion in action and it works like magic.
How to Keep Your Cool
• Stay the word “stop.” We are so conditioned to pause when we hear that word that even when we say it to ourselves, we will pause and think and often times choose a better course of action than to lose our cool.
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• Distraction is another way to slow things down and not react, but rather be proactive. For example, you can count the tiles in the ceiling or count the change in your wallet. Sing a happy song, take a walk and enjoy the splendors of nature. You could also read one of my many inspiring books. (How is that for a novel idea?)
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• Express your anger in creative ways. You could write a poem, story or song that says it all and expresses how you feel. This is in addition to keeping a journal, of course. Many successful people have produced word renown works by transforming their pain into their passion to serve others well.
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• Walk away. If we go to a calm, relaxed environment, we feel calm and relaxed.
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• Play music that slows down both your brainwave activity and your heartbeat. One effects the other. Baroque music prompts a relaxed heartbeat as our heart synchronizes and harmonizes with the repetitious rhythmical pattern of the music which is about 60 beats per minute. Music with nature sounds is always a good choice as well. It brings the soothing sounds of the ocean to you.
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• Count to ten before responding so there are no regrets as you can never take back the words or the hurt they cause once they are said. When you pause and think twice your mind shifts from the instinctual brain to the cerebral cortex or creative, problem solving part of the brain where our thinking is clear and free of emotion.
Questions on Anger:
Questions increase awareness and promote reflection and introspection. To follow are a few questions you might ask children:
1. What makes you angry? What do you do when you get angry? How do you express your feelings?
2. As Dr. Phil would say, “How is it working for you?” Do you need to change your response?
3. What might be a more effective response?
4. What do you need to stop doing and start doing to make the change?
5. Do you express your anger with respect and not revenge?
The Blame Game Doesn’t Work
Getting even never works as it simply perpetuates the conflict. Much anger is due to blaming others for our problem. It is only when we own our problems and take responsibility for solving them that we claim control. When we blame others we only feel more powerless and helpless as we are deeming others as being in control of our misery. Why would you ever make such a choice and give away your power?
Expectations for immediate gratification of needs have created a somewhat nar
