Pitchrate | Stop a Bully - Assert Yourself

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Edie Raether

Edie Raether, MS, CSP, is a change strategist, international speaker, author and wellness consultant. Visit her at www.raether.com or contact her at edie@raether.com.

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Wings for Wishes

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10/15/2011 08:24pm
Stop a Bully - Assert Yourself

Assertiveness training encourages techniques such as “the broken record” where you repeat one simple phrase over and over as a way of not being distracted from the real issue and maintaining a position of power and strength. It may be as simple as saying, “Stop it” or “I refuse to waste my time and get into this with you.” Janet suggests that you rehearse your statements of strength in the mirror until they become second nature.
You might also learn a few diffusion statements where you change the direction of the dialogue with distraction. In the middle of an attack, handing someone a compliment can easily disrupt the harassment and turn adversity into an alliance with the offender.
Your body doesn’t lie so check your body languages such as your posture and eye contact. Do you appear confident (even if you are shaking in your boots)? If your volume and tone of voice is wimpy and weak, you are not portraying the confidence necessary to ward off mean-spirited folks. Again, the martial arts is not only a method of self-defense, but confidence building as well. It is easier to feel confident when we feel safe.

Be Who You Are: Everyone Else Is Taken

Walking with friends and having a strong support system provides another line of defense. If it is difficult for you to meet other and make friends, join clubs where you can explore similar interests. If you’re a “brain,” don’t try to be a jock. Win the chess tournament instead. It is difficult to be confident without competence. We all have a special gift, a unique talent. It is your responsibility to identify it, develop it and embrace it with joy. Be who you are. Everybody else has been taken.
Unless there is a serious risk of being harmed, it is best not to fight back but to report the incident and solicit help. Unfortunately, most kids who are bullied fear that by reporting the incident they will face greater retaliation.
Janet encourages awareness and understanding knowing that most bullies were first bullied themselves and are troubled and struggling as well. She raises the awareness of the bully to better understand how he may be sabotaging his own dreams and then suggests more positive alternatives to meet the need for power and respect.
By creating fun, competitive group activities, the students are engaged and involved with lively interactive discussions. An important question to increase compassion is asking, “how would you feel if....” That sentence is then complete with various scenarios such as, “how would you feel if your brother committed suicide because of being bullied.”

Forgiveness Is Freedom

Forgiveness is encouraged so one’s energies are freed up for more creative learning. Hanging onto anger never releases you from the problem. Janet has been severely abused by her angry partner, a Vietnam Veteran who had unfortunately become a victim of wars’ violent ways. Her understanding and forgiveness helped her heal. Understanding increases awareness. Acceptance is condoning the aggression which is not a healthy choice.

As on Occupational Therapist, we would have to spend days getting around campus in a wheelchair to better understand our patients with physical disabilities. I would highly recommend such activities in our schools as a way of increasing an awareness of the struggles of others. You must get kids out of their own ego and the “me syndrome” to better understand and respect others. Our society more recently has fallen short in teaching this lesson. With many exceptions such as your grandchildren and mine, we have tolerated and thus supported a narcissistic society that is obsessed with taking care of “me” and the SELF. We must transform the attitude of arrogance to acceptance, and entitlement to empowerment. ( This may be my next book!)

Self Defense and the Martial Arts

Although I am not a black belt or any belt, I am a strong believer in the Martial Arts as it is a great method of prevention. It not only offers personal

Keywords

cyber bullying, school bullying, anti bullying, stop bullying, what is bullying, bullying definition, bullying suicide, bullying facts
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