Published:
10/15/2011 08:28pm
Help, Healing and Hope for the Bullied
Those most often bullied are very sensitive people living in a somewhat insensitive world. As a psychotherapist, I was frequently treating a person whose problems were the result of someone else’s problem that had not been treated such as bullying. To get ahead of the game, we need to focus on prevention and intervention at an early age and not just treat symptoms, but those people who are the cause of social problems.
If you have been the brunt of endless jokes, teased until you cry, or had your spirits broken, there is hope and there is help. However, you must reach out and take the first step which can be difficult when humiliated day after day. Being bullied is being brain washed and your own shame becomes your worst enemy. You begin to doubt yourself, your self worth, and your personal rights to dignity and respect.
Unfortunately, the mind does not have an effective filtering system that allows only truth to enter. The subconscious mind is like a sponge and accepts whatever is presented. It just sucks it all up and takes it all in. If you have supportive parents, there is some built-in emotional immunity and psychological resilience. If your parents and family are absent emotionally and struggling with their own pain, or worse yet, have passed their anger onto you, you may feel like a cat without claws in the jungle. However, your recovery is your choice. Most of the very successful I had interviewed in my book Winning! had overcome great adversity and so can you.
The purpose of my writing this chapter is to help you build up your psychological resistance and reclaim your SELF. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Make this your mantra. Hang it on your wall, write it on your mirror, and repeat it at least seventeen times a day.
When you allow someone to control how you feel, you are choosing to give them power over you. Now, why would you want to do that and why would you give your power to someone you don’t even like? You need to make a choice right at this moment that you will reclaim your power. After all, it is yours!
There is much power in simply making a decision. Unfortunately, we often are so much in a reactive mode that we forget that we have choices and options as well are resources. Once we decide and choose our path or direction, we can move forward with boldness and confidence. Just making the decision to do so seems to provide the chutzpah necessary to stand up and speak out.
Self Confrontation: Why Me?
Now, the last thing I want to do is add more guilt or shame to your heavy heart.
However, you must examine why you are the one picked on. You may have the “victim mentality.” You may have heard of the book and movie The Secret, or the Law of Attraction, which reveals that what we believe or think about will comes true. If you think of yourself as inferior or not being lovable or capable, you are in a silent way communicating your thoughts to the bully and sending an invitation. Since you own your thoughts, you have a choice to change them and control the situation.
It is a proven fact that bullies snuff out or psyche out their victims. They do not pick on the brave and the bold. If you were abused or victimized in your home environment or by others as a young child, your challenges are a bit greater for once you have been victimized it is like wearing a neon sign that says, “Come get me. I am a victim.” When we repeatedly have been victimized, the subconscious mind defines us as such. You must choose not to buy-in.
Here is how you can turn things around. By the very fact that you are reading this book, you have already begun the change process. By simply becoming more aware of what I have just shared with you, you have brought into your conscious awareness how the subconscious had been controlling your thoughts and behaviors. You now can make a conscious choice and move forward with a boldness that will repel bullies.
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