Published:

10/15/2011 08:26pm

Transforming Bullies into Buddies in the Classroom

Parents, teachers, counselors or staff can increase a child's awareness of what he is feeling with some of the following activities
1. Have the children create a "Feeling Wheel" where they section off various happy and sad emotions. When they spin it and it stops at a certain emotion, they are then encouraged to share what makes them feel the emotion that came up. Be creative. You can blindfold the children and have them point to the wheel. There are many ways you can accomplish this activity.
2. Just as a "Worry Jar" can be a good way to release negative emotions, so too having a "Happy Jar" can reinforce positive emotions. When someone shares that they are feeling sad or mad, have them draw from the jar which is packed with encouraging, inspiring comments. Ask how that changes their mood? Suggest that they learn to reach out to their friends for support when they need it.
3. Match Up! Create a worksheet with a left column listing emotions and in the right column list possible behavioral responses that would best match up with the emotions in the left column. This will create insightful discussion.
Facilitation Questions
1. Ask questions about how the child feels in various situations by creating scenarios of potential conflict. For example, you might ask a child how she feels when someone says she is stupid or fat. Putdowns often makes one feel hurt, but that hurt often converts to anger. Ask how that anger may be expressed. Both hurt and anger erode self-esteem.
2. Have the children put on their problem-solving hats and ask them to come up with constructive ways to deal with their feelings and best express them. Engage the class by turning it into a contest. Create groups or teams where together they decide on the best way to handle conflict situations.
3. Do not tell children to "fight back" or retaliate. It teaches them that violence solves problems when it only makes problems worse. Such advice puts your child at risk for getting seriously hurt. In his retaliation, he may then suffer serious consequences with the law.
Role Playing Solutions
Being an expert and advocate of role playing and sociodrama, I suggest you not just talk about
solutions, but act them out by doing role playing. Taking a real life situation is always more effective. The real power of role playing is that when you reverse roles and the bully takes the role of the target, he then begins to feel the other's pain. That is what builds empathy and compassion. If we truly feel another's pain as our own, the assaults will stop.
Keep the class involved by having then identify inappropriate responses and asking them for suggestions on correct responses. Then have students come up and be the shadow or the alter ego of the target and the bully. You now have several people playing different roles and offering a new perspective, fresh ideas and positive suggestions for a better understanding of our relationships.
Keep the lessons learned in the role playing alive with follow-up discussions or making reference to the activity when appropriate. You might also ask students to keep a journal of their feelings and how they expressed them. Another exercise is to make worksheets listing various situations where the student then fills in the blank with how they would feel and how they would respond. With follow-up class discussions, all such learning activities are better integrated into behavioral change
Creating a Values Contract
Matty Mathison, my teacher of choice, performs magic with all kids. The recipient of numerous state championships and awards, including the Disney Teacher of the Year Award in her category, Matty always offers practical suggestions. She strongly advises teachers never to bully back or fight with students on their level or in front of others. It feeds the attention they are seeking in a destructive way and they will beat you at their game. Besides, it certainly is not good role modeling.
Matty does recommend being fair, consistent and having clear expectations and