Published:
10/15/2011 08:59pm
Six Tips to Prevent Bullying
1. Stop Enabling. Parents must leave their egos out of their parenting and stop defending their child’s unacceptable behavior. You are not helping by rationalizing or living with delusions regarding your child’s behavior. If the facts are clear and the verdict is in, you must seek professional help for your child rather than pretend the problem does not exist for it will only get worse due to your negligence.
2. Establish Clear Expectations. By establishing clear expectations of desired and acceptable behaviors, a child is provided with a road map or blueprint to follow and in most cases will do just that. Without a clear sense of direction, any muddy road becomes tempting.
3. Set Boundaries. Kids are curious. They will test boundaries to define their reality and thus establish a sense of security. If you are not consistent in what is acceptable and what is not tolerable, you are creating confusion and thus more anxiety which leads to more testing. Tough love builds good character.
4. Teach and Experience Compassion. Children do learn what they live and are often a mirror reflection of their parents’ behavior. One cannot demand compassion, but must demonstrate or show it. Compassion is love in action and if instilled in the hearts and minds of our children at an early age, it will prevent bullying. Just as oil and water do not mix, if a person has a kind heart, it is impossible to be mean spirited. However, it should be part of early childhood learning and a preventive rather than corrective measure.
5. Parents as Bullies. Home intervention and parenting classes are crucial as 61% of bullies reported being victims of physical, mental and verbal abuse in their own homes Yes, violence is learned and passed on. Like many diseases, it is contagious and must be contained. Stress management, problem solving skills, anger management and effective communications are essential parenting skills.
5. Correction Is Collective. We are all responsible for this embarrassing social crisis. We have all tolerated violence and intimidation as a social norm. We have tolerated it on MTV, the media, music, movies and video games that you may have purchased for your child upon his request. I personally remember when chewing gum in school was grounds for dismissal. Heck, we now are happy if kids don’t bring knives and guns to school! Who is leading this battle of reclaiming simple rights of honor and respect? Teachers, parents, and our entire system of justice must wake up and take action now.
Like any illness, bullying and other acts of intimidation and violence grow and spread to more challenging problems if ignored and action is not taken. My personal action was to develop an empowering character-building program, I Believe I Can Fly! It instills compassion and gives a child the right message at the right time for RIGHT THINKING.
It also encourages a positive belief system and healthy life choices that increase self-esteem and self-discipline to improve problem-solving skills. What action will you take and when will you begin?
Edie Raether, known as the Bully Buster, is an international speaker, parenting coach, and bestselling author, with her most recent book being Stop Bullying Now. A behavioral psychology expert, Edie is also an expert resource for such publications as USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, Prevention, and Reuters. She has b a college professor and radio and TV talk show host with ABC. Visit www.stopbullyingwithedie.com. Contact Edie at edie@raether.com or (704) 658-8997.
